i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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