I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
