We won't sleep together?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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