Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
