At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
