2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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