I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
