2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
