I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
