i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
