While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize