So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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