last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
