after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
