Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
