so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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