it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
