Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
well you can't waste a boner
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
