That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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