So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
