Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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