Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
