Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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