You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
