At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
farters have to be the big spoon...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
