sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
