Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Randomize
