Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize