Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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