pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
