One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my sisters under your porch take her home
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
