did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Someone signed my nipple.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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