Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
