pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
