Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize