Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
