You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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