He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
