Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
