Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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