You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
