I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
