awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
