You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
