what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
