Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
