Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
