I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
In other news, I just burned my penis
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
