he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
