I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
