I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
