I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
