I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize