that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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