I wish I could punch you in the face.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
