hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
