im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
