i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
