I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
