I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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