I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
