Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
