@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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