Screwed.edu
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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