Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
