have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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