it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
