Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize