i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
